Best Birthday Present Ever?
by Midori Ryuu
Summary: The OLS crew and Haruka have gone to a "rough neighborhood" on a job for Fred. What's so funny, Gene?
1. Have a nice trip!

  
**  
**

Best Birthday Present Ever?  
Chapter One  
Have a nice trip!   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Outlaw Star or any of the characters. They all belong to some other people, and I don't feel like being sued just yet. However, I DO own Haruka, but not her origins. You can borrow her, provided you ask and let me be your editor. Well, enough of my ramblings! Ja ne!  
********************************  


Jim Hawking sighed. It was two weeks until his twelfth birthday. It seemed everybody had forgotten his birthday, and him. Aisha wasn't even teasing him. Everybody seemed to be so distracted.  
"What's wrong, Jim?" Melfina asked.  
He almost jumped out of his chair in surprise. He had had no idea she was there.  
"Oh, nothing. I'm just bored, I guess," he replied nonchalantly.  
"Oh, OK!" she cheerfully agreed.  
He visibly sweatdropped. For a bio-android, she was rather dense. Halfheartedly, he listened to her footsteps as she headed out the door. The young genius once again let his mind wander.  
For the past few days, he had been having strange dreams. A flash of pale green hair and glaring gold eyes. It was eerie, yet beautiful.   
"Hey, Jim! What's with the long face?" an unusually cheerful Gene exclaimed as he clapped a hand on his shoulder.  
"Huh? Oh, nothing," he muttered.  
"I can tell when you're lying!"  
"I'm just depressed about my birthday, I guess."  
"You're supposed to wait until you're older to be upset about aging. You're only eight, after all."  
"I'M TWELVE!"  
"See! There's the Jim we all know and... uh... know."  
"Just... go."  
The red-haired outlaw ruffled his young friend's hair.  
"Don't get so worked up over everything, Jim!"  
Jim mumbled something about being more mature than most of his elders and stalked off.  


***********************************  
**

"What's this all about?" Jim asked unsurely, as he scratched his face right below the blindfold.  
(A/N: Please remove your mind from the gutter. Thank you.)  
"You'll see soon!" Aisha chimed in, a suspicious ring to her voice.  
He fumed as Melfina guided him up a too-familiar ramp. The Outlaw Star. _Oh, god, please, not a trip_, he silently said inside his mind.  
In a few minutes, he heard a rumbling. _DAMMIT!_ he inwardly screamed.  
"Can I take the blindfold off **yet**?" a very annoyed Jim inquired.  
"Not yet! Just be patient!" Aisha scolded.  
He growled under his breath. _They could at least tell me where we're going!_  


**************************************  


Jim woke up as the Outlaw Star landed. It took him a moment to realize just where he was, and then it came to him. _On this goddamn birthday trip...  
_He sighed, and crossed his arms over his chest. He was so incredibly bored. So far, this had been his worst birthday ever, while keeping the time he fell into his cake in mind.  
"Well? Where are we?" he annoyedly demanded.  
"Hopefully on the right planet," Suzuka replied as calmly as ever.  
"What do you mean, 'Hopefully on the right planet,' Suzuka?" Jim wondered out loud, having lost that tone to his voice.  
"Apparently, our captain here gave Melfina a beer. It seems bio-androids aren't very good drinkers."  
"Whaddaya mean, she's drunk?!?!?!"  
"Well, I guess you can take off your blindfold now."  
Our young friend did as the assassin suggested, and saw Gene and Aisha standing over Melfina, who was giggling and hiccuping at the same time.  
"We landed someplace safe, at least."  


_To be continued..._


	2. What the hell are Ctuans?

**Best Birthday Present Ever?  
**Chapter Two  
What the hell are Ctuans?  


  
Disclaimer: Being the unlucky person that I am, I don't own Outlaw Star or any of the characters. I own Haruka, and the name of the Ctuans, but nothing else! At the moment! Please don't sue me! I love you!  


*******************  


Jim sweatdropped visibly. Melfina was in bed with a hangover, and he wasn't supposed to go see her. She was irritable and throwing up a lot. Therefore, he had decided to do a little exploring.  
_And now I'm lost_, he thought to himself as he wandered through the streets of a small village. Everybody who saw him was staring. Apparently, they didn't get many visitors. There was another strange thing he noticed, as a woman brushed past him.  
_Where are all the men?_ he wondered, almost stopping in his train of thought.  
"Excuse me, Ma'am? Could you please direct me to a service station?" he politely asked the first woman he deemed safe-looking enough to ask.  
"Hmm?" she muttered, as she stopped, and began to look him over, making our hero grow increasingly nervous. She pointed north. "It's that way."  
"Thanks!" he called to her, as he rushed off, eager to get away.  
"Feh. Gaijins have no manners," she mumbled to herself as he left.  
_She looked at me as if I were a piece of meat! I'm only twelve, and she's thirty-something! AIEEE!!!  
_"OI! You! You're looking for the service station?" an unfamiliar, deep voice called.  
"Huh?" He stopped. "Me? Yeah? But how'd you...?"  
"Gaijins're always looking for it when they stop here. Ya almost ran past it."  
Jim turned, and say a boy... a girl... whatever, with short, pale green hair and eerie golden eyes. He couldn't tell.  
"This is it?"  
"Hai."  


*******************  


"Hey, Gene! I found a service station!" a now-cheerful Jim exclaimed, bursting through the door of everybody's favorite grappler ship.  
"Shhhh!!!!" Gene, Aisha, and Suzuka scolded, turning to him. "She just got to sleep!"  
"Oh, yeah. Gomen," our blonde friend replied, rubbing the back of his head.  
"Well, where is it?" Gene quietly demanded.  
"Not too far from here. In a small village inhabited only by women and one kid that I can't really tell with..."  
"Sounds like fun!" Gene exclaimed, rubbing his hands together, and practically drooling.  
"Shhhh!" the others exclaimed, glaring.  


********************  


"So, these're you're friends?" the kid asked, raising an eyebrow at the unlikely group.  
"Yeah."  
"Jim, aren't you going to introduce us to your friend?" Suzuka delicately inquired.  
"Oh, yeah! Guys, this is Haruka. Haruka, this is Gene, Suzuka, and Aisha, respectively," he said, pointing. "Melfina's not here because she's... uh... under the weather."  
"Oi! You! Gene!" Haruka addressed him, pointing.  
"Me?"  
"Yeah. You'd get along well here. Some of the older girls need breeding stock."  
_A dream come true!_ Gene exclaimed inwardly.  
"My, you certainly get to the point quick," Aisha muttered. "By the way, what **are** you?"  
"Us? Oh, we're Ctuans."  
Gene suddenly lost his new favorite train of thought. "Ctuans? What the hell are Ctuans?" he blurted, making obvious his lack of tact.  
"GENE!" Jim yelled.  
"We're an ancient half-breed race. Half CtarlCtarl, half human."  
"I thought you looked familiar!" Aisha exclaimed happily.  
"Say, I've been meaning to ask," Gene began, slightly more polite. "Where are all the guys?"  
"Long, long ago, the male of the species died out. They way they went must've been very painful..."  
"How?"  
"Their sperm became acidic and ate away at their-"  
"OK, we get the point!" Gene interrupted. _That IS painful!_  
"How did your species come to be?" Aisha inquired, her curiosity aroused.  
"Several millenniums ago, some humans were traveling in their starship, trying to get home. They were soldiers, and a war had just ended. Their army had only been hiring single men, not wanting to make a widow of anybody. Then, pirates attacked and they crashed onto a planet. That planet just happened to be inhabited by an all-female tribe of CtarlCtarl that had been exiled out of fear.  
"The CtarlCtarl females were about to die out because they had no males to breed with. When they encountered the chip, they knew it was a godsend. The men were glad to breed, and so were the females. And so it has been told, ever since before even my grandparents were born."  
"One more question," Suzuka added. "Why did the more recent males' sperm become acidic?"  
"A gaijin came and brought a horrible plague by mistake. He was a mercenary sent to kill off a neighboring race, but he was a complete idiot. It was too late that they found the cure, though."  
"And now that our history lesson is over, can we get the ship repaired?"  
"Can you pay?"  
"What's the price?" Gene asked, rather nervously.  
"Twenty wong per square meter."  
Jim did the math in his head. "AH! That's more than two thousand wong! We can't afford that! Can't we get some kind of discount?"  
"If you can provide breeding stock for our species, you only have to pay five wong per square ten meters. For each male I enter, I get a hundred wong per offspring produced!"  
Jim nervously backed away, seeing the look in Haruka's eyes. "I wouldn't have to enter, would I?" he managed to squeak out through gulping.  
"I think you're a bit young."  
He breathed a sigh of relief.  
  



	3. Nani? Haruka's a...

**Best Birthday Present Ever?  
**Chapter 2  
Nani? Haruka's a...  


  
Disclaimer: I don't own, Outlaw Star, unfortunately. You know the drill. Please, don't sue me! ^.~  


**********  


Jim sighed as he leaned back against the tree. He was stranded and as bored as hell. What was going to happen to them now, he didn't have any idea. Then, something stuck him: _Where's Haruka?_  
He stood up, and brushed the dust and dirt off his pants. He approached Melfina, who had gotten over her hangover and had met Haruka.  
"Hey, Mel, do you know where Haruka is?"  
"No, sorry. Why do you ask?"  
"Just wondering."  
He sighed again and set off in search of his Ctuan friend. Maybe he could find out if they could permanently keep Gene here! Then, he heard a strange sound. It was somebody... humming?!  


**********  


Haruka's ears perked up.  
"Who's there?"  
_And just when I was about to take a bath!  
_

**********  


Jim pushed his way through a couple of bushes. "Haruka?"  
"PERVERT!" was all he heard as a bucket of cold water came flying towards his head.  
WHAM! He fell backwards, onto his butt. For a moment, his vision was blurred. Then, it came back to him. Someone was approaching him, but he couldn't really tell who it was, because it was still dark, as it was sunrise. He stood up.  
"JIM?"  
"HARUKA?"  
"I knew I could expect this from Gene, but from you?!"  
"I... It's not what it looks like! Really!"  
Haruka... was a girl, after all! Her chest was bound most of the way, but some of the wrap had been undone. She had been about to take a bath. Jim could see she was making a fist.  
She stopped in her path of hitting him. He was... blushing? Water dripped from his blonde hair, onto his nose and his clothes.  
"Why are you here?"  
"I... was just looking for you. I didn't know! Honest!"  
"Hmm... Are you telling the truth?"  
"Hai!" he said quickly, nodding.  
She stepped closer to him, and he backed away, into the trunk of a tree. She continued to follow him.  
"Jim, I bind my chest so I can fit into my armor better. It's hard to a B-cup into armor meant for somebody with the body of a seven year old. By the way, how old are you?"  
"T... twelve..."  
"What a coincidence!"  
She leaned up, smiling in a way he wasn't sure he liked. He closed his eyes, preparing to be punched in the face, and then, he was surprised. Her lips... were against his! She pulled away.  
"Happy birthday. Now leave, so I can take a bath."  
_Oh... my... god...., _was all that could enter his mind, as he walked away, a stunned look upon his face.  


**********  


"Jim, what wrong with you? You haven't said a thing since you got back this morning," Gene demanded that day, over lunch.  
The red tint returned to his face.  
"Jiiimmm, if I'm not mistaken, you're BLUSHING!" Aisha blurted in a teasing voice.  
"I am not!" he retorted.  
_Am I?_ he wondered, not daring to look in a mirror.  
Suddenly, Haruka approached the little restaurant table. She wasn't wearing her armor.  
"Haruka? Is that **you**?" Gene inquired, almost choking on his stir-fry.  
"Hai. It is. Is it so strange that I'm a girl?"  
Gene and Aisha nodded at the same time. Jim just stared at his plate, blushing.  
"Honestly, you two could stand to be more polite," Suzuka calmly commented.  
"Haruka-chan, would you like to have lunch with us?" Melfina politely invited.  
"Yes, thank you," the Ctuan replied, sitting down in an empty chair next to Jim.  
The color of his face deepened. All he could really think about was what had happened that morning. He touched his lip, and luckily, nobody noticed. _My first kiss...  
_"Jim, please pass the soy sauce," Haruka asked nonchalantly.  
Without even looking up, he handed it to her.  
"Thanks."_  
  
_


	4. Gene, the inter-species breeder?!

**Best Birthday Present Ever?  
**Chapter Four  
Gene, the inter-species breeder?!  
*******  


Disclaimer: You know exactly what I'm gonna say. Outlaw Star isn't mine, but Haruka and the Ctuans are. Please, don't steal from me and please don't sue! This chapter is loaded with Jim angst! Wai! By the way, Gene fangirls (Yes, I am among you!), please don't kill me! Ja ne. Love ya!  


*******  


Jim drew his blankets up around himself. Because the ship was being repaired, they had had to stay in a motel. Everything smelled faintly of mildew, and it made him feel sick. Even with that, all that was on his mind was Haruka, and the kiss.   
_Why... did she kiss me? What was it all about?  
_ He shivered, and pulled the blankets tighter. Along with being damp, it was drafty. He didn't notice enough to care, though.  
_Why would she, of all people, kiss **me**? What is it about me that she likes? What do I have that she wants? For that matter, why would **anybody **want to kiss me? I'm not special, am I?  
_"Jim, you asleep?" Gene whispered from the bed on the other side of the room.  
"Who can sleep in a place like this?" he sarcastically asked.  
"I know! It feels like my nose is gonna fall off!" the red-haired outlaw complained.  
"Well, it's all we can afford right now. Tomorrow, you have to check out the breeding program center or we'll go completely broke!"  
Even in the dark, Jim could see the grin on Gene's face. An almost hysterical giggle could be heard throughout the building.  
"Be quiet, you idiot! We're gonna get in trouble!"  
"Sorry. I just can't help it! Doing something so fun and getting a discount because of it! I'm such a lucky guy!"  
"And we're all real happy for you."  


*******  


The next morning, a very tired Jim walked down to the cheap little cafe where they had been eating the past few days. Aisha, Haruka, Melfina, and Suzuka were all sitting around a table, but Gene was nowhere to be found.  
"Where's the idiot?"  
"You mean Gene?" Haruka questioned.  
Jim blushed and nodded.  
"He went to check out the breeding center. I had to threaten to rip off his head and feed it to a wild animal to get him to tell them I entered him," she replied cynically.  
"I'd like to see you do it... and help!" Aisha cheerfully chimed in.  
"Wouldn't we all..." Jim muttered under his breath.  
He grabbed a bowl of rice, wolfed it down, and ran in the directing Haruka had gestured to when speaking. He hoped he could get there in time to see Gene humiliate himself! This would be priceless! He thanked the gods he had remembered to bring his camera.  
When he got there, the daughters of the older women all eyed him in a way he didn't like. As soon as he saw Gene, his jaw almost broke the floor as it dropped in surprise. Women were hanging all over his friend, and it didn't even seem like he was paying them!  
"Hmm? Oh, hi, Jim! I wouldn't happen to be dead and in heaven, would I?"  
The girls around him giggled.  
"Gene... how many women have you bred with so far?" Jim inquired, in shock, an eyebrow raised.  
"I, Gene Starwind, inter-species breeder, have helped the continuation of the species with fourteen women so far today!" he proudly declared.  
"Gene Starwind, inter-species breeder?" Jim yelled, almost laughing in his disbelief.  
"Hey! Gene-sama happens to be a wonderful man!" one of the bimbos said angrily.  
"In more ways than one," another one announced.  
All the girls broke into another fit of giggling. Gene blushed and rubbed the back of his head. Jim visibly sweatdropped. _Bakas...  
_ "Well, hurry up and repopulate their species. I have work to do," Jim said, right before he ran off.  


*******  


Jim sat down at the table for lunch. It was just him and Haruka. The others were at the breeding center, talking to Gene, and the cafe was almost completely empty because of where Gene was. Jim knew his red-haired friend was the happiest man in the known Universe at that moment. Yet, he couldn't be happy for him at the time; he had his own problems to worry about: Haruka was bound to notice that he was blushing, and the others (Aisha and Gene, at least) would tease him horribly if they knew.  
"Jim-chan, you've barely touched your food," she commented.  
"Hn," he replied noncommittally.  
"You're not still upset about the scene at the bath, are you? You humans are such shy creatures! You get embarrassed over the least little things!" she laughed.  
The tint in his face deepened.  
She sobered suddenly.  
"Listen, Jim... That kiss wasn't meaningless."  
Those words got his attention, and his eyes widened.  
"What do you mean?"  
She smiled. "I like you. You're the first guy to visit this planet that's had the balls to face me after he found out I was a girl!"  
To have the balls... He disliked that term, as he found it slightly embarrassing.  
"You know..." she continued. "You're the first guy I've ever kissed. How 'bout you?"  
"Nani? I've never kissed a guy!" he said indignantly.  
"I mean, am I your first kiss?"  
He blushed further. "Hai..."  
She reached over and took his hand. "We should do it again sometime!" she cheerfully told him.  
His face earned a new Universal record: the record for deepest shade of red.  
"H... Hai..."  
She kissed him on the cheek, and he broke his own record.  


*******  


"Think we should tell him we saw the whole thing?" Aisha whispered to the others as they spied on their young friend from behind a pillar.  
"Are you kidding? He's kill us!" Gene said scornfully.  
"I think it's cute!" Melfina added.  
"We shouldn't be spying on him. It's dishonest," Suzuka muttered.  
None of them moved an inch.  


*******  


Jim blinked. "Hey, Haruka, do you get the feeling we're being watched?"  
She nodded.  
"Guys, you can come out. We know you're there!" he called to them.  
The bio-android, the CtarlCtarl, the assassin, and the pilot fell in surprise.


	5. Are we safe or aren't we?

**Best Birthday Present Ever?  
**Chapter Five  
Are we safe or aren't we?  
*******  


Disclaimer: I don't own Outlaw Star. If I make any mistakes with Fred's personality, please don't beat me into a bloody pulp. Despite being a Jim fangirl, I think Fred's cool! ^.^  


*******  


Jim lied back on the beach towel. Life was great. _We're free! Free from the MacDougal brothers. Free from the pirates. Free from the rent collection agencies! But most importantly, free from Fred Luo!  
_"Hey, Jim! We've received a transmission!" Gene called to Jim as he ran across the beach in his red swim trunks.  
"Oh? From who?" he wondered as he stood up, brushing the sand off of his sky blue swim trunks.  
"Fred Luo," Suzuka calmly informed him from behind.  
Jim turned around and stared. "Suzuka... you're wearing a swimsuit?!"  
Then, the other reality sunk in. "Wah! Fred! How the hell did he find us HERE?"  
"Have you forgotten that he's backed up by billions of wong?" Gene asked cynically.  
The blonde sighed. "What does he want?"  
"You can ask him yourself. It's a live transmission."  
"Damn! I was hoping it was just a message."  
Haruka emerged from the sea, and climbed back up onto the sand. "Mreow... Now I remember why I hate the water so much!"  
Even though, in her own opinion, she was bedraggled and looked awful, the sight of her made Jim blush the same color as Gene's trunks.  
"Hey, Jim," Gene teased. "Why don't you take Haruka with you? I'm sure Fred will just** love** to meet your _girlfriend_!"  
"SHUT UP!"  
Haruka hopped over to Jim, causing ripples in her dark green swimsuit that a few adolescent male tourists stared at intently. "Jim! What're you doing?" she inquired in her sweetest voice.  
"I have to take a call. Wanna come with?"  
"Sure!"  


*******  


"So, Fred, why did you call?" Jim asked as he pressed the button for line one.  
"I have a job for y- Hey, who's this?" he asked, pointing to Haruka on the screen.  
"I'm Haruka. Jim's girlfriend."  
"Jim's **girlfriend**???!!!"  
"Hai. Why? What's wrong with that?"  
Jim took note of the look on Fred's face. He knew what the man was thinking: _Well, there's always Gene._  
"Well, anyways, I have a job for you."  
"What is it and how much does it pay?"  
"I need you to deliver three hundred pounds of dragonite to my home from the address I've sent to you. It needs to be done within a week."  
"Yeah, but how much does it pay?"  
"Fifty-thousand wong."  
"For delivering a mere three thousand pounds? What's the catch?"  
"The address is in a rather... rough neighborhood. Well, ta ta!" he cheerfully said, and then he blew a kiss.  
"Hey! Wait!" Jim yelled, but it was too late. Fred had ended the call.  


*******  


"So, he's paying us fifty-thousand for a mere three hundred pounds?" Gene asked, not bothering with suspicion.  
"It's in a really bad area," Jim explained.  
"That's never stopped us before. Let's go!"  
Jim sweatdropped and sighed in exasperation. _Not only are adults insane, they're greedy as well.  
_

*******  


"Remind me again why Haruka's coming with us," Gene muttered.  
"Because she's stronger and more mature than you," Jim explained.  
"Oi! I can hear you both over the intercom. Gene, it's no use talking about me behind my back!" the Ctuan taunted over in intercom from the engine room.  
"Haruka-chan, you DO know how to control that thing, RIGHT?" Jim asked unsurely.  
"Of course! They don't neglect technology at school."  


*******  


"So... We ARE in the right place, right?" Haruka inquired incredulously.  
"5789 Starling Compound in the Waite district of Orya on the Yuuki station," Gilliam confirmed.  
"Fred said this neighborhood was rough. I was hoping for a challenge!" Aisha sulked.  
"This is... ridiculous," Gene said, on the verge of cracking up.   
"This house is pink! There are flowers all over! Why the hell would Fred call this place rough?" Jim wondered.  


*******  


"JIM! HELP MEEEE!!!!!!" Haruka shrieked as she blindly threw punches at a few advancing men.  
A sound like meat falling was heard repeatedly, and then she opened her eyes. "Oh. They're gone," she said, smiling.  
"Haruka-chan, a little help would be nice," the young blonde said nervously as a few large men stepped menacingly towards him.  
"You! Give us all your money. Now," one of the men barked.  
"Don't talk to Jim like that!" a now-angry Ctuan scolded them.  
"Ha. Wanna make us, little girl?" another man laughed.  
"Yeah. I would!" she yelled as she grabbed his wrist and squeezed hard.  
"AAAAGH!" he screamed as she twisted it behind his back.  
Jim and the large men cringed as they heard several bones break. "That's gotta hurt."  
The other large men ran in fear of the little girl. "So this is what Fred meant by 'rough,' " Gene said, staring.  
"Gene! You were hiding during the entire fight! You coward!" Aisha scolded.  
"Even Melfina and Jim at least **tried** to help out," Suzuka added.  
"I wasn't hiding! I was... uh... scouting the place out!" Gene claimed.  
"Honestly..." Haruka muttered exasperatedly. "Jim must be the only brave male in existence."  
Jim blushed a shade of red that would make a great lipstick.  
  
  
  
  



End file.
